If you’ve read a few “psychology tricks” articles, you’ve probably seen the same tired advice recycled again and again. So let’s toss that out the window.
Here, I’ll give you simple and proven ways to persuade people, handle difficult situations, and even protect yourself from manipulation.
The Psychology Behind These Tricks
Before we get into the list, let’s take a quick look at what really drives human behavior.
If you really understand this part, then you’ll use these psychological tricks more effectively.
The first big truth is that people hate being persuaded.
Have you ever got an email from a marketer trying to sell you something, and you deleted it immediately?
This happens because there is a tendency to resist persuasion attempts, even though it might be in your best interest.
That’s why great marketers try to build rapport with you by sending you exclusive material and then selling you the main product.
The second big truth is that real persuasion is invisible.
Let’s say you go to buy a new car. And you encounter two types of salesmen.
The first one tries too hard to show you all the benefits even though you said you didn’t want his help.
You say to the salesman, “Hey, I’m just checking out” in the second shop. And he says, “I understand, take your time.” And then he doesn’t bother you until you call him.
Now, from whom you’re more likely to buy? You will probably buy it from the second salesman.
And the reason is that he is not pressuring you.
Now, let’s go a bit deeper and figure out…
What do people really want?
We’re all biologically programmed with these eight desires:
- Survival
- Enjoyment of food and beverages
- To be free from pain and fear
- Sex
- To have comfortable living conditions
- To be superior
- Care and protection for the loved ones
- Social approval and friendships
Secondary Wants:
- To be informed
- Curiosity
- Cleanliness of body and surroundings
- Efficiency
- Convenience
- Quality
- Expression of beauty and style
- Economy/profit
Read these desires again. Let them sink in. The better you understand what people truly want, the easier it becomes to get what you want.
1. Use artificial time constraints to start any conversation
Have you ever been to a bar, library, or airport, and someone wanted to start a conversation with you?
Did you feel awkward?
The discomfort comes from not knowing when or if the conversation will end.
So if you want to make people feel comfortable with you (even if they’re complete strangers), then you use simple lines like: “Can I ask you a quick question?” or “I have to leave in five minutes. Can I ask you a quick question?”
This trick sets clear boundaries about the conversation, and they’ll likely drop their guard down.
Related: How Social Engineers Manipulate People
2. The “because” effect
“Because” is a word that can instantly boost your persuasive power.
Research shows that people are far more likely to agree with you when you give a reason, and you don’t even need a great one. This word slips past people’s defenses and makes your request sound logical.
Why does it work?
People decide with their emotions first, then try to find a logical a reason to justify it.
When you use the word “because”, you’re giving them the excuse their is already looking for.
For maximum results, build emotion into your request, drop in “because,” and then give your reason, even if it’s simple. For example: “Could you send me that report today, because I want to make sure we’re on track.”
3. Make requests hard to refuse
There’s a little-known technique that can double your odds of getting what you want: combine two simple commands into one request.
It will make the listener overwhelmed with information. He won’t know which command to resist, so he accepts both.
Examples:
At home: “Take out the garbage and close the door behind you”. “Go upstairs and clean the room.”
At the office: “Call me at three o’clock and give me an update”. “Finish this project and let me know when you’re done.”
On a website: “Click here and visit our site.” “Contact us and ask how we can help.”
This method is even more effective when you present yourself as an authority figure.
People respond to authority, especially when you look them in the eye, tilt your head forward slightly, and use a tone that says you mean business.
4. Use presuppositions to plant ideas
Let me ask you a question: How soon will you start using the psychology tricks in this article?
If I had asked, “Are you going to use these tricks? You could reply with a simple yes or no.
But since the question started with the words “how soon…”, you focus on something else.
I presupposed that you would start using them, but when?
Presuppositions work because they redirect the focus. Instead of letting them wonder IF they’re interested, you nudge the conversation in a way that gets them to think about the next step.
Examples:
“How impressed will you be with this?”
“Are you curious about how my company can help promote your event?”
5. Use the either/or questions to influence decisions
This is a classic psychology trick… Instead of giving people a choice, you give them two options that work in your favor.
It can shift the conversation from Will you? to Which will you?
Examples:
Instead of: “Do you want to eat out tonight?”
Ask: “Which restaurant do you want to eat at tonight, X or Y?”
Instead of: “How come you never get your projects in on time?”
Ask: “When will I have your project on my desk, Friday afternoon or Monday morning?”
This simple reframing gives people a sense of choice and makes them more likely to comply with your request.
6. The only icebreaker you’ll ever need
When you meet someone for the first time, you can just say, “Tell me more about yourself.”
It’s open, friendly, and impossible to answer with a boring yes or no. You’re inviting them to talk about what they find interesting. Many people will rush into sharing a story or two, which can push the conversation forward.
This question is great because it also takes all the pressure off you. You don’t have to come up with the world’s greatest opener. You just listen and let the other person lead the way.
You’ll be amazed at how quickly you can build a connection with one simple phrase.
7. Give people hope
People will tolerate all sorts of struggles, but if you take their hope away, then everything falls apart.
If someone is in a challenging situation, they’ll do almost anything for a sense of hope. This is such a basic human drive that it’s amazing how most people overlook it.
So before you try to influence anyone, ask yourself:
- “What’s their real struggle? What do they wish would change?”
- “How can what I’m offering give them hope for a better outcome?”
If you can create a sense of hope in the face of hopelessness, you can persuade anyone, and even manipulate the masses.
You see this everywhere. Religion offers hope for spiritual salvation. Salespeople offer an opportunity for financial gain or a way to resolve their problems. Even the best friendships are rooted in hope for connection and understanding.
The bottom line is that if you can be the person who restores hope and actually delivers, you’ll have more influence than you ever thought possible.
8. Keep people busy to build loyalty
If you want people to stick around, give them things to do.
The more frequently we can get another person physically involved with us or our cause, the more we expect their loyalty to remain intact.
That’s why organizations with high loyalty (churches, clubs, sports teams, gyms, even your favorite coffee shop) get people to participate in their activities.
For example:
A thriving church may ask its members to volunteer for small yet essential activities. In that way, members who regularly volunteer tend to be more committed than others.
The same is true in business. Companies that create lots of small, positive interactions, like using loyalty cards, rewards, or regular check-ins, build a stronger following than those who only show up for the big sale.
This is why we tend to be more loyal to a grocery store than an automobile dealership.
So, if you want to strengthen any relationship, make sure to do many activities together.
9. Use curiosity as a tool
Curiosity is one of the most powerful motivators in human psychology. If you want proof, just look at YouTube thumbnails screaming, “I’ll tell you a secret…”
We know they are probably lying, yet we watch the video.
The reason is that the opportunity to learn and understand information few people know is irresistible.
So you need to craft the conversation and presentation in a way that grabs and keeps people’s attention.
I’ve explained how you can do it in these guides:
- How Jared Vennett Closed the Deal of the Century
- 20 Persuasive Techniques So Powerful, They Feel Illegal
10. Show you don’t need them
One of the most underrated forms of influence is subtle indifference. People can sense when you “need” something from them, and that’s when they have the upper hand.
The trick is to flip the script. You want to project that you’re just fine with or without their deal, attention, or approval.
In negotiations, the person who can afford to walk away is the one with the real leverage.
When someone doesn’t agree with the terms, they say, “It seems we don’t have a deal, so we’ll leave.”
Then the other party will feel pressured and ultimately agree with whatever they want.
What’s the psychology behind this technique?
When someone senses you’re desperate, they get stubborn or defensive. But if you act like their decision makes little difference to you, they start chasing your approval.
The key here is to never show even a hint of desperation. You need real confidence, or at least a convincing act.
Remember: the less you need them, the more they want you.
11. Gain an advantage by playing dumb
Sometimes, the smartest move is to act like you’re not the smartest person in the room.
You’ve probably noticed this: The people who brag they’re smart, usually make others feel uneasy and even suspicious.
If you let people believe you’ve got it all figured out, their defenses go up. You become less likable in their eyes, and they start to wonder if you’re playing them.
But when you “play dumb”… when you ask questions, act curious, even pretend you’re unsure… You disarm people. They let their guard down. Suddenly, they start helping you, sharing more, even rooting for you. Why? Because people like feeling knowledgeable and helpful, and they’re drawn to those who don’t threaten their ego.
So make a habit of playing the humble student, and less the know-it-all teacher.
You might be surprised by how much people will share about themselves and come to your help.
12. Reveal the secrets of others to strengthen bonds
This trick consists of telling your friend “a secret” about what another person thinks of him.
It can enhance their self-image and improve their relationship with others.
Imagine what impact might have on that person when you compliment him and reveal that others feel the same way.
Example:
My little brother got a 10 in math (the highest grade), and it was a great accomplishment because he hated math.
I said, “I’m very proud of you, but I want to tell you a secret. Do you promise not to tell anyone?
Our parents are also very proud of you, and do you know how many people the mother said that you’re doing great in math?
She has been bragging about how smart you are to everybody. She didn’t tell you because she thought you’d get embarrassed. So, I just thought you should know how proud they’re of you.”
The encouragement made him form a self-image where he is good at math.
So, he started dedicating his time to math because it goes along with the image he created.
13. Practice ego suspension to win people over
One of the hardest to do, but it is one of the most powerful tricks.
Suspending your ego, and making others’ views, wants, and needs more important than your own, makes them want to be friends with you and like you.
Suspending or putting on hold your ego elevates another person’s ego.
Example:
I talked with my friend about my favorite TV show, “The Big Bang Theory.”
He had seen the first episode, and he told me that it was the worst television show. The jokes are hard to understand. And it gives too many scientific definitions.
And I was like, Are you fucking crazy? You saw only one episode, and you reached that conclusion!
Ok, I had that thought, but I didn’t express it.
Instead, I said calmly: “I understand why you think that way. When I first saw that show, I thought the story wasn’t that appealing – A group of scientists with poor social skills who like Star Wars, comic books, and video games. It is the complete opposite of what I prefer.
I never saw Star Wars or read a comic book, and I’m not a big fan of video games.
But, It’s interesting to see these brilliant scientists struggling with everyday situations. Plus, that show has some good damn writers and actors. I would suggest you give it another try.”
He is a big fan of Sheldon, by the way.
Now, I understand this isn’t the best example possible. But you get the point.
When someone criticizes your choices, don’t be angry.
And don’t offend them even if they’re dead wrong.
They will stick to their argument, and the harder you try to change their mind, the more you’ll make them feel they’re right.
Instead, try to understand why they feel that way.
Explain your choice using logic or emotional arguments- It depends on how they express themselves.
And give them a suggestion on what they should do.
14. Offer a scapegoat to overcome resistance
A man is very frustrated with his life, and he feels there’s no place to go. Then he hears a story about how people have been sabotaging him. Immediately, his whole perspective changes.
His gratitude towards the one who told the truth is enormous as well as his hatred for the saboteurs.
Now, from our perspective, the manipulative intent is obvious. But he is seduced by the idea of blaming someone else.
In other words, to find a scapegoat.
You don’t have to be evil to apply this trick. And the scapegoat can also be something that is not in your control.
For example:
If you are overweight and fail to slim down, it’s not your fault. But simply a problem with your organism.
The use of the trick is ethical because the statement is true.
And you are shifting the responsibility from him onto something else. Consequently, it will be easier to persuade him.
15. Gain instant confidence
Believe it or not, you can boost your confidence almost instantly…. and all it takes is the right music.
A study showed that listening to bass-heavy music can increase your confidence and performance.
Songs like “We Will Rock You,” 2 Unlimited, “Get Ready For This,” and “In Da Club” will put you in the right mindset to take over the world.
So, when you’re feeling nervous before a job interview or a date, just listen to a high-power playlist, and you will feel better.
16. Make someone feel needed to deepen connection
We are drawn to people who need us.
Give someone a sense that they’re truly needed, not because you are desperate, but because they are special.
Follow this strategy:
1. Explain the whole situation. What is at stake?
2. Explain the specific role he has in this
3. Emphasize the importance of his role
4. Tell him that he is the perfect guy for this task
5. Acknowledge that this request will require a sacrifice on his part.
6. Ask him if you can count on his help
How long will it take to employ this strategy? Very little. You can go through these steps in a brief conversation.
17. how to comfort and help a friend
Sooner or later, someone close to you will hit a rough patch… maybe they’ll lose a job, go through a breakup, or just have a bad day.
And when it happens, the urge to “fix it” with quick advice or empty reassurance is strong. But most of the time, that’s not what they need.
Here’s what actually helps:
1. Just Listen. Sometimes, your quiet presence is more comforting than any words you could offer.
2. Empathize with them. A simple, “I’m really sorry you’re going through this right now,” can mean more than any pep talk.
3. If you have gone through that situation yourself, explain briefly how you felt and how you overcame the pain. Don’t make it all about you, but show that you understand from experience.
4. Don’t assume you know what they need. But ask them directly, “How can I help?”
Bottom line: You can’t magically fix someone’s pain, but you can help them feel less alone, and that’s often what matters most.
18. How to diffuse conflict instantly
Conflict is costly.
Not getting along well with your partner, coworker, or boss will make your life miserable.
Look at how many people divorce because one partner doesn’t know how to communicate and treat the other partner well.
Think about how many people are without a job because they didn’t get along well with coworkers or bosses.
So what’s a fast, almost magic way to take the heat out of an argument?
Well, you use this simple phrase, “You’re probably right…”
“You are probably right honey, in the last weeks I haven’t spent enough time with family. I have spent so many hours working on this project. But, from now on, I’ll dedicate all my weekends to you”.
“You’re probably right, Mark. I have been acting like a jerk lately. Thank you for being honest with me. And I’m sorry. I have been going through a very stressful situation. Of course, that’s not an excuse for my behavior but I’m just trying to say it won’t happen again”.
Now it’s crucial to have a sincere tone when using this technique. We don’t want the other person to think we’re being sarcastic.
19. Win more by arguing less
How many times have you found yourself stuck in a debate with your friends or colleagues? And later, you realized that the subject doesn’t really matter to you. But you still got stressed and upset about it.
Which one of you won the argument? No one.
Look, when you argue about something that doesn’t really help you move forward, then you didn’t really win.
Of course, it’s interesting. Even when you get angry or upset, it makes you feel alive.
In addition, in that emotional state, you’ll try to convince them they’re wrong. But that doesn’t work.
So, here’s the rule: If the disagreement doesn’t affect your well-being, then let it go. Don’t waste energy on arguments over politics, taste in music, or who’s the greatest athlete of all time.
When you don’t engage, they might think they’re more knowledgeable than you and that’s okay.
If you agree with them and make them like you, it’ll be easier for you to influence them.
Pick your battles and you’ll see how much mental energy you’ll conserve. And you’ll use that energy for things that actually matter.
20. Dealing with toxic people
I have written extensively about connecting with others. But not everyone wants the best for you.
They might want to manipulate you, bully you or blame you for their mistakes.
You need to know how to spot these toxic people and strip them of their power.
Here are the most common ones:
Takers
They constantly seek favors, but they never seem to have time to help you.
They can’t destroy your life but might ruin your day. And waste your time.
Next time a taker asks you for a favor, follow this scenario.
Taker: Hey, could you help me with this PowerPoint presentation?
You: Sure. No problem! And can you help me with the presentation I have to do on Thursday?
Taker: Uhh…
You: I guess you don’t mind doing a favor for me in return, right?
Bullies
Bullies are everywhere.
It could be your boss, a coworker, or even a friend.
You need to understand that if someone is bullying you, they think you’re easy prey.
Refuse to follow their script, and they’ll usually give up and leave you alone.
Of course, sometimes, it is not a good idea to stand up to a bully.
For example, if you desperately need a job and your boss has the power to hire or fire you in a second, then you don’t have much choice.
Minimize contact with that person and look for a better work environment.
What to do when a bully attacks you verbally!
You can make them stop yelling by simply not yelling back. They expect you to yell.
Make eye contact.
You can also say, “Please speak more slowly, I’d like to understand.”
Often people will comply with this request. Have you ever tried to yell slowly?
Act politely and slightly bored as if your mind is elsewhere.
Also, your body language should give this message.
Stand up straight, be relaxed, and let your arms hang out casually. Don’t fold them defensively across your chest.
Often, this response makes bullies feel uncomfortable or even foolish and causes them to back down.
Psychopaths
Not every criminal is a psychopath, and not every psychopath is a criminal.
About 1 in 200 people is a psychopath, and most of them aren’t in prison.
The traits of a psychopath, such as coldness, lack of empathy, and ruthlessness, can make them very financially successful business people.
The not-so-bright ones end up in prison while others might end up as CEOs.
Now, the odds are that you’ll encounter one of these individuals at some point in your life. If that happens, there is only one solution…
Run.
Run faster.
They can destroy you financially and emotionally if they need you.
You might think you can influence a psychopath or touch them emotionally.
They might make you believe they care about you (and they’re very good at this), but they don’t.
They can’t because they’re not wired to.
Sources:
“Forbidden Keys to Persuasion” by Blair Warren
“Cashvertising” by Drew Eric Whitman
