Let’s say you’re sitting at your desk, checking your work emails, and suddenly you slip into a lavish fantasy… an alternate reality where you’re heroic.
For a moment, it feels better than real life.
That’s normal. Often, daydreaming can be a little mental vacation.
However, for some people (2-5% of the population), this simple distraction turns into a compulsive inner world. A world so rich, so seductive, that real life starts to feel like the background noise.
And over time, it quietly hijacks their attention, pushes them to delay their goals, and replaces action with fantasy.
This is what’s known as maladaptive daydreaming disorder. It is a compulsive, immersive mental world that replaces real-world progress.
In this article, you’ll learn:
- Why your mind craves this addictive escape
- How to spot when daydreaming is undermining your life
- What practical, science-based steps can you take to escape its grip
Look, even if the fantasy feels safer, it can never replace the real world. Because only focusing on reality can bring you real satisfaction and fulfillment.
The Trap of Urgency
Daydreaming is a sneaky way of sabotaging your success. You run vivid stories in your mind about how you’re going to win. And that pushes you to get results faster.
Your brain rewards you with a quick hit of dopamine just for imagining the win, and you work harder because you want to experience that satisfaction as soon as possible.
The problem is that you’ll make rushed decisions… You overlook important details. You miscalculate the potential obstacles. You skip the boring (but necessary) steps to plan properly or build real skill.
So you end up making decisions based on wishful thinking.
Surprise! Surprise! This leads to making mistakes, which causes you to repeat the work, making the path to success longer.
This is where the vicious cycle begins:
After a failure, you feel the urgency to catch up. You scramble to make up for lost time and missed opportunities. You would think that at this point, the daydreaming would stop. But it doesn’t.
In fact, you’ll dream bigger and more often. You’ll continue to work harder (but not smarter). You’ll continue to make more mistakes, which will set you back even further.
This relentless clash between grandiose fantasies and painful reality is a common experience among maladaptive daydreamers, and it causes them a lot of stress.
You know, it’s hard to reconcile the narrative in your mind and the disappointing results.
Action Step: Reflect on your situation.
Be honest with yourself. How many times have you made a rushed decision and paid for it later? How many times have you slipped back into maladaptive daydreaming right after a failure?
Have you ever noticed that no matter how hard you work or how many times you try, it seems like you get back to the same place.
It seems like you’re running in circles.
That’s why the first step to overcoming maladaptive daydreaming is awareness. You have to see how it’s sabotaging you and recognize it as a genuine mental health issue.
The next step is to train your brain to stay focused. I’m not talking about the casual focus. I’m talking about serious focus, like an athlete trains for a fight. You focus like your life depends on it. Because in many ways, it does.
In addition, you need to permit yourself to daydream at certain times. Schedule some brief periods during the day where you let your mind wander without feeling guilty. Controlled and normal daydreaming is not harmful and can be part of a healthy mental routine.
But when it’s time to work, focus on ONE thing. But you’ll get distracted, and you need to deal with it.
This leads us to:
Intrusive Thoughts
As soon as you start taking action on your goals (especially if you’ve been using maladaptive daydreaming as a way to avoid work), you’ll run into a wall of intrusive thoughts.
They’ll whisper things like:
- “You’re not good enough to pull this off.”
- “What if people see me fail and laugh?”
- “This isn’t good enough – it has to be perfect or it’s worthless.”
- “Remember when you messed up last time? It’s going to happen again.”
- “You always find a way to screw things up.”
Sometimes you’re able to brush them off. But other times, they’re like cracks in a dam… small at first, then suddenly bursting open and drowning you in self-sabotaging stories.
This floodgate can also happen often if you’re an avid user of short-form content. The reason is that those short videos are designed to be highly dramatic and polarizing. So even when you close the app, your mind goes to those stories. You’ll relate to them and slip into immersive daydreaming.
I’d highly recommend reading my article on TikTok’s predatory algorithm. I explain in detail why the technology of TikTok, Reels, and YouTube shorts is so fu*king addictive.
Now here’s the deeper question: Why does your inner critic turn so vicious the moment you try something good for yourself?
It’s because for a long time, you’ve used daydreaming as an escape from anxiety, fear of failure, boredom, inadequacy, etc.
Instead of facing those emotions, you slipped into a fantasy world. A place where you’re in control. Where you’re safe, successful, and admired.
Dr. Eli Somer, who coined the term maladaptive daydreaming, found that this behavior often starts as an emotional escape. People retreat into their fantasies to avoid pain or to feel what they lack in real life.
Then the more you do it, the more you reinforce the behavior: Feeling Negative Emotions = Daydreaming.
When you decide to overcome maladaptive daydreaming, then it means you’ve to face those negative feelings you’ve been avoiding.
Here’s the good news:
All those self-critical thoughts are just some exaggerated distortions.
They’re not true.
Let’s look at the above examples:
“You’re not good enough to pull this off.” -> This is a thought based on fear, not fact.
“What if people see me fail and laugh?” -> That’s mind-reading. You’re assuming the worst with no proof.
“This isn’t good enough – it has to be perfect or it’s worthless.” -> This is beating yourself up for not achieving perfectionism, but perfectionism doesn’t exist.
You might like: Stillness Is the Key to Becoming Limitless in Real Life
“Remember when you messed up last time? It’s going to happen again.” -> This is catastrophizing and overgeneralization. You’re using a past event as evidence for a doomed future, but you’re also ignoring all the ways that you have grown.
“You always find a way to screw things up.” -> An overgeneralization because you used “Always”. Think about a time when you didn’t screw up. You see? This doesn’t hold up.
So when you have these thoughts, the first instinct is to distract ourselves with a cheap pleasure or with intense daydreams.
But here’s what you need to do instead: Realize that they’re worthless, accept them, and let them be.
Look, we all have over 60,000 thoughts every day. We cannot give them much importance. They’re just a byproduct of our mind.
Learn to acknowledge your thoughts and feelings without fighting or judging them. Just let them pass by like clouds in the sky.
For example, when an intrusive thought strikes, take a mental step back.
Acknowledge it, “I have a thought that I’m going to mess this up.”
Notice the emotion you feel, maybe fear or embarrassment. Name that emotion: “Ah, I feel anxious about this task.” You’re recognizing that your feelings are not that bad… they just ARE… and it’s a normal thing.
Remind yourself that these thoughts are driven by irrational beliefs you’ve built throughout the years.
If the feeling is very strong, then you need to focus on breathing slowly through your nose and try to notice things around you.
This can anchor you in reality and not on those catastrophic, idiotic scenarios in your mind.
Endless Planning
When you’re doing something routine like commuting to work or showering, your mind is eagerly mapping out every detail of your strategy.
You’re like, “When I get home, I’ll do A, B, and C. Then tomorrow I’ll start that big project and it’ll all come together just like this…”
You also think about how you’ll organize everything meticulously and impress others.
As we said, such thinking gives you a dopamine hit and a sense of control over a chaotic world.
However, by the time you are free to actually work on it, the motivation seems to have vanished.
Your brain feels like it has done a lot of work (even though it was all imaginary), and now you feel drained and not ready to begin the real work.
This is a common pitfall for people with maladaptive daydreaming. Their vivid daydreams can make everyday life feel overwhelming.
Why does it happen?
Well, our cortex (the thinking part of the brain) loves to chew on your big problems by planning and imagining outcomes. This can be more emphasized if you’re anxious about those problems.
It stems from the irrational belief that if we are planning and worrying about it, we’ll find a solution.
The reality is that all that overthinking doesn’t get you closer to solving anything. It just drains your mental energy.
In addition, repetitive thinking can strengthen the brain’s anxiety pathways, leaving you more nervous and with limited energy to act.
It’s like revving a car engine for hours without going anywhere – you burn fuel (mental energy) and wear out the engine (your mind), but end up no closer to your destination
Things get worse if you’re a highly creative or intelligent person. You can envision multiple potential scenarios, which can easily lead you to rumination or mind wandering.
Look, I’m not saying that being creative is a bad thing, but you must learn to discipline yourself and use your gift to your advantage.
Another limiting factor is multitasking. You might be studying or working while listening to music and checking social media from time to time. Then you check the email or have a quick conversation with someone.
Studies have shown that multitasking doesn’t work. It actually makes you less productive.
As you might have guessed, things are more problematic with people who have maladaptive daydreaming.
Because on top of the usual distractions, you’re also constantly switching between reality (the current task) and fantasy (planning, worrying).
It’s imperative that you recognize and don’t fall for the illusion of progress.
For example, I used to tell myself I was doing my best to achieve my financial goals.
I was studying regularly to improve my skills and working hard, but then I was like…
“Let’s stop for a moment. You’ve had this goal for a long time, right? You think you are so close that you can almost smell the success.
The reality is that after the bills are paid, you have little left. You clearly haven’t done enough.
So, at least, stop lying to yourself that you are actually working, that you are actually studying.
You either decide to do whatever is needed to achieve those goals because you already know what to do. Or stop trying.”
It may seem harsh. But sometimes, you need to be tougher on yourself because we tend to put ourselves into trance-like states. We operate on autopilot. You basically use the verbal equivalent of cold water to wake yourself up.
This doesn’t mean that you should bully yourself. Don’t give in to that inner critic. Instead, you try to understand reality. You want to figure out whether you’re lying to yourself.
Action Step: At the end of each day or week, compare your intentions to your actions. What did you say you’d do? What did you actually do?
If there’s a large gap, don’t beat yourself up over it because of two simple reasons:
1. Even though you’ve tried to ground yourself in reality, your judgment is still clouded by previous, false narratives. So, your expectations might be exaggerated, and you need to give yourself time to re-adjust.
2. Even though you’ve been striving to change your habits, you still haven’t achieved the level where you’re working to the best of your abilities.
But you will. Just keep working, learning, and training your brain.
Escape Fantasy and Reclaim Your Life
Maladaptive daydreaming doesn’t just hijack your attention and ruin your ability to focus. It basically steals your daily life. You’re disconnecting from your goals, your responsibilities and even your identity.
As we said, what starts as a coping mechanism for emotional pain can transform into a monster that hurts your mental health and your ability to operate in the real world.
You might:
- Experience sleep deprivation
- Spend hours in repetitive mental loops triggered by sensory stimuli (music, movement, or visual cues).
- Feel frustrated, ashamed, or even depressed when you return to real life.
- Experience anxiety if you’re forced to stop daydreaming, similar to withdrawal.
In extreme cases, you might behave like someone suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Since maladaptive daydreaming is not officially listed in the DSM-5, it’s often overlooked by other people or even by professionals.
If you’re wondering if you suffer from this mental health problem, then you can take an online test or self-assessment. It can give you a general idea of where you are on the maladaptive daydreaming scale.
However, as with other psychological online questionnaires, it can lead you to make wrong assessments about yourself. So the best course of action is to consult with a mental health professional.
If they conclude that you actually suffer from maladaptive daydreaming… Or if you suffer from co-occurring conditions like anxiety disorders, then they might suggest that you start therapy.
One of the best tools at their disposal that can bring relatively quick improvements or results is cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT).
The bottom line is that you’re not lazy, crazy, or broken.
You’re just caught in the web of a sneaky mental health issue.
FAQ: The stuff you’re still wondering
What are the most common maladaptive daydreaming symptoms?
People who struggle with it often report:
- Vivid, immersive daydreams that feel more real than real life.
- Spending hours a day wrapped up in fantasy (often triggered by music or repetitive motion).
- A strong emotional connection to imaginary worlds, characters, and storylines.
- A sense of compulsion. You need to daydream, even when you know it’s messing up your schedule or priorities.
- Struggling to control or limit the behavior.
- Feeling distress, guilt, or frustration afterward.
- Noticing a real decline in your daily life, productivity, relationships, or mental clarity.
Is maladaptive daydreaming a mental disorder?
It is not classified in the DSM-5 as a mental disorder. But growing research argues that it’s a distinct and disruptive behavioral pattern. For many people, it is deeply connected to underlying mental illnesses like anxiety or depression.
How is maladaptive daydreaming different from typical daydreaming?
Typical daydreaming is momentary, and it doesn’t interfere with your responsibilities. On the other hand, maladaptive daydreaming is compulsive and can really disrupt your daily life.
It can lead to emotional distress, reduced productivity, and can even worsen co-existing mental health issues.
Is it a mental illness or just a bad habit?
Technically, it’s not a formal mental illness, but it’s more than a “bad habit.” It’s a behavioral loop tied to emotion regulation, mental distraction, and sometimes deeper psychological conditions. That’s why calling it a mental health issue is fair, even if it’s not in the DSM-5.
What Causes Maladaptive Daydreaming?
There isn’t one clear cause. It’s usually a mix of emotional and environmental triggers.]
But here’s what researchers and personal accounts suggest:
- Emotional pain or trauma: Many people report that their maladaptive daydreaming began after a traumatic event, or during periods of emotional neglect, bullying, or loneliness.
- Chronic stress or boredom: If real life feels overwhelming or underwhelming, fantasy becomes the escape hatch.
- Mental health conditions: It’s often connected to issues like anxiety disorder, depression, or even obsessive-compulsive disorder. These don’t “cause” MD, but they can increase your tendency to retreat inward.
- Cognitive style: Some people have a naturally rich inner world. Combine that with emotional distress, and you’ve got the perfect recipe for compulsive daydreaming.
- Sleep problems: If you’re dealing with sleep deprivation, your brain is more likely to drift, dissociate, or seek relief through fantasy.
Can maladaptive daydreaming affect my identity?
Yes, in subtle but powerful ways. You might start identifying more with your fantasy self than your real one. You feel capable, admired, and loved in your head, but inferior in real life. That split can impact your self-esteem and motivation.
How do I break the cycle?
- Recognize the triggers (boredom, stress, music, movement).
- Limit overstimulation and screen time.
- Anchor yourself in small, real actions.
- Journal the difference between your real self and your fantasy self.
- Talk to a mental health professional, especially one familiar with CBT or maladaptive daydreaming research.
