A few years ago, I met a guy who worked in a boiler room.
He was telling me how his victims kept giving money, even when they no longer believed his lies.
What surprised me more was that they had already been scammed before… some of them repeatedly.
Now I get making an impulsive decision but to fall for the same scheme over and over again!
I couldn’t help but wonder… are these people morons?
Well, most of them had successful careers and businesses. So there must be something else.
Then I read the book: Forbidden Keys to Persuasion by Blair Warren and it finally made sense.
It’s not about the money. It’s about something far more primal — Feeling heard. Feeling special. The rush of hope. The lust for power or control.
And here’s the thing: Everyone has hidden addictions, and if you can satisfy them, you’ll have tremendous influence over people.
You know, the game of power is played in the shadows of the mind.
So here, I’ll reveal 6 dark psychology tricks; how to use them ethically; and how to notice when they’re being used to control you.
#1 The Need for Hope
In my country, just like anywhere else, there’s no shortage of charlatans — from fake doctors to fortune tellers to those who get rid of your demons.
But the worst of the worst is some bastard who goes on TV and claims to cure cancer and other complex diseases.
Now I don’t have a clear view of the damage he has caused as there has been no serious investigation on him. The justice system here is a joke.
But logically speaking, he appeared for many years in one of the most popular TV shows so the number of people who fell for his scam must be relatively high and I suspect (again just following the logic) that some of them have died because they didn’t receive the proper cure for their disease.
But why do people believe in charlatans?
The primary reason is that they have lost hope in the conventional way of doing things.
Someone who has struggled financially for a long time is more likely to fall for get-rich-quick schemes.
Someone who didn’t find the cure at the hospital will seek it elsewhere.
You know, we can tolerate many things but a lack of hope isn’t one of them. It’s such a visceral and powerful feeling that will drive us to do anything to regain it.
So when nothing seems to work, you become more inclined to believe someone who speaks with conviction.
Even though what he’s saying doesn’t make any sense; it doesn’t really matter; You need it to be true.
Now, here’s how you can give people a sense of hope and have a positive impact:
First, you recognize that someone you care about feels defeated. I’m not talking about losing confidence or feeling down because that happens to everyone from time to time. I’m talking about feeling crushed.
Second, learn as much as you can about their problem and if you cannot help them solve it, persuade them to see an expert who can.
Finally, you craft a compelling narrative. I’ll show you how in a moment.
But this story needs to capture their imagination and trigger their deepest fears or desires.
Look, you can’t hold back just because an approach feels manipulative or too harsh. As long as you can apply it effectively, use it.
At the end of the day, what matters is for them to improve.
Because when someone’s lost, they don’t need soft words. They need direction. And if you’re not the one to give it, God knows, there are plenty of vultures circling and waiting to tear them apart.
#2 Give People A Scapegoat
Let’s say you have a painful problem and I want to convince you I have the perfect solution – It can be an idea or a product.
Now which approach would you find more persuasive?
The first one is what I like to call The motivational method.
1. I paint a clear picture of why your situation sucks
2. I point out how your bad decisions have led to this but I do it without judgment
3. I relate with you by saying that I’ve been in a similar situation
4. Then I reveal that I found a solution that helped me overcome this problem
5. Finally, I show you undeniable proof that my solution works
Next, we have The Scapegoat Method. It’s the same approach with one key difference… In the second step, instead of making you feel responsible, I shift the blame to external forces – perhaps it was bad luck, an unfair system, or someone working against you.
I think the second approach is more persuasive because nobody likes staring at the mirror and seeing their own faults staring back. We’d rather shift the blame anywhere but within.
Now, while the desire for scapegoating is a very persuasive tool, it also has a dark side. History has repeatedly shown that scapegoating can drive the masses to behave like animals.
For example, from the 16 to 18 century, tens of thousands of people (mostly women) were tortured and killed.
Their only crime was being accused of witchcraft. You know, women flying on a broomstick, meeting with demons and conspiring against the Church.
The Dark Side of Scapegoating
Anthropologist Marvin Harris, in his book Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches, argued that these events weren’t simply due to mass stupidity, but rather a system perfected and promoted by noble families and the Catholic Church.
This was incredibly convenient for them because…
Did the price of bread go up, wages fall, taxes increase and jobs disappear?
It was the work of the witches.
Did plague and famine wipe out a third of every village and town?
It was the work of the devil.
The more problems grew, the bolder the witch-hunting campaign, the greater the gratitude of people towards the princes and the pope.
It also had a powerful divisive effect. Anyone could accuse anyone of witchcraft.
That neighbour you always thought was weird? Maybe they’re the reason your crops failed.
So people became paranoid, isolated, and depended on the clergy and princes to protect them from those phantom monsters.
And the idea of mobilizing for better living conditions became a thing of the past…
You better stay in line, keep your head down, and thank God – or the prince that you weren’t the one tied to a stake.
#3 Tell Them a “Secret”
For many, the opportunity to learn and understand information that few people know is irresistible.
For example, House of Cards is one of the most popular shows of all time.
And I think the main reason why is because the main character, Frank Underwood, keeps addressing the camera and confessing his true intentions to us. It makes us feel special like we are in on the secret. So, even though he’s a ruthless SOB, we can’t help but follow every move.
It’s the same reason why people love reality shows like Big Brother or get hooked on conspiracy theory videos – they want to know things that others don’t. It gives us a sense of superiority over others.
Alright, how can you use this drive to your advantage?
The key thing to understand is that framing is everything.
Think about when people buy an expensive gift – They don’t just hand it over as it is. They go out of their way to wrap it beautifully because the presentation makes the gift feel even more special.
It’s the same thing with information. How you present your ideas matters just as much as the content itself.
Studies show that when given two identical options, people will always pick the one that is framed in a more interesting way.
So make it a habit to constantly think about how you can frame your message or idea in a more compelling way.
If you want to make every word count, I’d recommend reading Words That Work by Frank Luntz – It will help you take your communication skills to the next level.
#4 Make People Feel Valuable
We all want to feel that we matter… that we play an important role in our community or relationships.
It’s not enough to feel it ourselves, we also want others to recognize it.
So when someone acknowledges that we’re making a difference then it will affect us on a deep emotional level and we’ll go to great lengths for them.
Here are 3 simple steps to make people feel valuable:
1. Explain the situation and what is at stake.
2. Explain to them their role and why they’re the perfect person for the job.
3. Tell them that there’ll be a sacrifice on their part and ask them if you can count on their help.
How long will take to apply this?
You can go through these steps in a brief conversation.
Now we can use this approach to remind people in our life that they matter but we can also use it on people who drive us crazy.
Here’s why…
In general, toxic people didn’t start that way.
They have tried to be kind, helpful, or do their job well but those efforts were often met with criticism, indifference or even ridicule.
Eventually, they started acting differently which was a huge mistake. It was like pouring gasoline on the fire. The reason is that we all have mirror neurons which allows us to mimick what others are feeling.
For example, if you project confidence, people will mimic you and feel confident.
If you transmit hostility, people will probably feel uncomfortable around you.
So what ends up happening with toxic people is that they walk around with an FU vibe and others respond with a “How about FU” vibe.
And that reinforces their belief that it’s them against the world.
But what if you don’t let their mood affect you? And you also use the three-step approach, when needed!
Well, they’ll probably behave respectfully because they’re finally feeling understood and important. And it’s kinda hard to be a jerk to someone who’s being nice.
#5 Manipulating the Need to Be Right
Imagine you’re in a heated discussion with your friend and suddenly, you feel that something has changed.
You’re not just trying to prove your point anymore – You have to be right.
Even after the interaction is over, you keep replaying it in your mind.
But why does this happen?
Being right feels safe. It means we’ve created a sense of control over the chaos that constantly surrounds us.
If we go further… We tend to connect being right with our identity.
You may have noticed this in a conversation where you casually mention something, and suddenly, their body language changes. And you’re wondering what the hell just happened?
Well, unknowingly you attacked an opinion or belief they hold close to their heart.
To them, it feels like a personal attack.
Now connecting our sense of identity with opinions or even ideologies can make us vulnerable to manipulation.
You know, someone can say what we like to hear and they instantly become trustworthy in our eyes.
It also drives us to make bad decisions because we are looking at reality with a distorted lens.
That’s why Ray Dalio in his book Principles stresses the importance of radical transparency. He encourages people in his company to openly express their ideas so they can understand what’s actually true and make better decisions.
The truth can be messy but it’s a hell of a lot better than living in a bubble.
So try to create an environment with your family and close friends where you can express how you feel without being judged or criticized.
However, with others, it’s better to be diplomatic. Reframe your words to avoid coming across as harsh, but don’t go overboard trying not to offend anyone.
Many people are addicted to drama – They’ll get upset over anything. So don’t lose one second of sleep over how they feel.
#6 Give People A Sense of Power
In my previous videos, I’ve explained how FBI Agents are able to diffuse a dangerous situation or get people to confess their secrets.
They do it by creating an environment where the counterpart believes they’re in control. Even though it’s just an illusion.
They have learned the hard way that backing people into a corner will set off their fight or flight mechanism and they’ll lash out.
It’s the same thing in everyday situations – If corner someone with verbal force, they’ll resist your idea out of pure instinct, even if what you’re offering is beneficial.
And the reason is simple…
You’re threatening their sense of power.
So I’d suggest creating two narratives of what’s going to happen if they choose your road or the wrong road.
But here’s the key… You don’t want to exaggerate the wrong road.
For example, like our parents did when we were kids. They’d be like: “Don’t smoke weed or you will end up a junkie. Don’t hang out with those guys or you’ll end up a criminal.”
They went from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds and we didn’t buy it because it sounded ridiculous.
Even when you’re right, exaggeration can lower your credibility so instead get into their head. Understand what really drives them—their core desires and fears—and build your narrative from there.
As you can see in the tables, there are differences in what has more impact on young adults and older people because our goals and priorities often change at different stages of life.
However, this is not set in stone. It is a guideline to understand what people really want.
In addition, changing someone’s mind is often a long process, so you need to be patient and persistent.
Try different angles—hitting their fears, desires, or both until something clicks. That’s when you’ll know what is the most effective approach for them.
And remember what we said earlier, don’t hesitate to use any tool at your disposal. What matters is the outcome.
So you give people a sense of power by giving them a choice while maximizing the chances of choosing what you want.
But understand that they might choose the bad option and that’s okay.
If you want to improve your persuasion skills check out my videos:
The FBI Method to make anyone spill their secrets (without them knowing)
