Many people flinch when they hear the word ‘argue’ because their mind instantly goes to heated confrontations.
We’ve all dealt with individuals who tried to prove us wrong or make us look bad. They desperately wanted to dominate the conversation and walked away, thinking they had won.
But did they?
Well, they didn’t change our minds.
They didn’t inspire action. And they certainly didn’t convince anyone from the group to rally around their idea.
So no, they didn’t win.
True arguing, the kind that wins people over, is about connection.
It’s about going beyond the surface-level impressions, touching the core of what drives them, and slowly guiding them from no to maybe to yes.
In this lesson, I’ve selected the most effective strategies to help you persuade.
But let’s begin with the most important concept:
#1 Preparation, Preparation, Preparation
Doing extensive research on the subject can help you anticipate their objections and offer strong rebuttals.
And people who argue for a living often have an “argument file”.
They gather key points, persuasive phrases, novel ways to present their arguments, and storytelling ideas… that can come to their mind at any time. You never know when inspiration will strike.
You might be watching a comedy show or a movie, having a conversation, reading a book, or scrolling through social media… then someone makes a great argument or presents an interesting perspective on an ordinary situation.
Write that down in your notepad. Think about what they said, how they said it, or how they might have come up with it.
This forces your brain to constantly think about how to present the information in a compelling way.
Do it long enough, and you’ll notice that you’ll come up with great responses instantly.
Another effective strategy is to write about the subject.
In an interview, Neil DeGrasse Tyson explained that this was the secret of his eloquence.
He said, “I’ve written down everything somewhere, at some time. I’m never saying anything for the first time.”
He’s always working on figuring out ways to make scientific concepts simple for the general public.
So he’s not relying entirely on improvisation, and that’s how he’s able to give quick and thoughtful answers.
#2 Appeal to Universal Values
Make an assertive statement that positions you as an informed and prepared individual.
But you do it in a way that aligns with the strong-held values of your audience.
You can use universal values like family, safety, or freedom to create an instant connection. One that makes people feel like ‘he gets me’ or ‘he’s one of us’.
Let me give you some examples:
Instead of saying, “This initiative is important for our neighborhood,” try, “Every family here deserves a safe place where our kids can play and grow.”
Our policy will improve healthcare à We’re building a system that can help anyone get the care they deserve.
Our planet is in danger if we don’t act now à This is our chance to have a cleaner, safer future for our kids, and the time to act is now.
If you don’t like using fear, you can make your message more convincing by using words like chance, create, and future.
Another interesting example comes from Cicero, a Roman Senator regarded as one of the greatest orators in history.
Pompey, a famous general, faced strong opposition from some senators who feared his growing popularity would threaten their interests.
Cicero delivers a speech in the Senate to defend himself. But he doesn’t list his numerous accomplishments.
Instead, he emphasizes that Pompey has served Rome with unparalleled loyalty and courage. His sacrifices had contributed to the growth and welfare of the Republic.
This was a clever strategy because, in ancient Rome, duty to the state was one of the highest values.
By framing him as a loyal servant rather than a potential threat, Cicero aligned him with these core values. Thus, it’s tough to oppose him without looking unpatriotic.
#3 Establish Yourself as An Authority
You have seen many doctors on TV or social media giving advice, and people are very receptive to their messages.
Even though a lot of them give terrible advice. And some are not even real doctors. They are chiropractors or alternative doctors.
Yet, their words carry weight just because of who they are or how they present themselves.
So you should understand how your audience perceives you and do your best to establish yourself as credible.
If you’re arguing about a subject where you’re not perceived as an expert, you can borrow authority by citing a credible and respectful figure.
In his speeches, Cicero would often say things like, “As our great ancestor Scipio Africanus would have done…” or “This was the wisdom of Cato the Elder.”
He linked the position with these widely respected figures at the time.
He framed his arguments not as personal opinions but as rooted in the wisdom of Rome’s greatest rulers.
#4 Use the Rule of Three
It’s a classic rule that will help you present your ideas in a concise, memorable, and persuasive way. Since it is widely used in storytelling, people are conditioned to respond well.
For example, here are some sticky ideas that use the pattern of threes:
- Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
- Government of the people, by the people, for the people
- Friends, Romans, Countrymen
- Blood, sweat, and tears
- Location, location, location
- Father, Son, and Holy Spirit
- Faith, Hope, and Charity
- Mind, body, spirit
- Stop, Look, and Listen
- Sex, Lies, and Videotape
- I came, I saw, I conquered
You can use it in different scenarios:
To quickly establish your expertise and authority without being overwhelming – I’ve worked with different teams, met tight deadlines, and always delivered great results.
Breaking down a plan – Phase one is research and planning, phase two is implementation, and phase three is analysis and optimization.
To describe product benefits – It’s fast, it’s cost-effective, and it’s scalable.
Summarize the key takeaways – Remember, success in this field requires adaptability, persistence, and a willingness to learn from every experience.
#5 Use Bold Metaphors
Metaphors are handy because they serve as mental shortcuts.
It can help you make complex or abstract concepts simple and emotionally compelling.
Go for metaphors that can put them in the scene.
For example, let’s say you’re explaining a risky new strategy, and you say
“It’s like walking through a storm.”
That’s good, but we could use a better one with more vivid details.
“It’s like being on a tightrope without a safety net – every step counts.”
Or, when trying to describe the problem without adding overwhelming details, you might say, “We’re in deep waters.”
You can make it more impactful by saying, “We’re in a maze with twists and turns, but I’ve got the map to guide us out.”
Metaphors can also help you frame your expertise in a way that reinforces your struggles.
I’ve climbed the mountain and can guide you up.
I’ve been through the trenches and know exactly what works and what doesn’t
Ensure that your audience easily understands the metaphor you’re using; otherwise, it will undermine the point.
#6 Use Contrast to Frame Your Argument
Contrast bias tells us that when we present two options, they’ll perceive our option as more attractive by comparison.
So, make each scenario feel real and immediate.
And don’t worry about exaggerating a little because it will make your argument more appealing.
Before: We need to invest in renewable energy.
After: We have two paths: continue to rely on fossil fuels, which will eventually contribute to a hole in the ozone layer. Or invest in renewable energy and secure a future for our children.
Before: Let’s cut costs
After: We have two choices: We continue pouring money on outdated systems or streamline our operations to build a stronger, leaner business.
#7 Tell short stories with an emotional twist
Stories are a powerful way to make people resonate with your arguments.
However, you want to tell short stories so you can get to the point quickly and include a relatable twist that taps into their core desires or fears.
Example:
My friend was doing everything right. He had a beautiful family, lived in a nice neighborhood, and had a stable job that paid well.
But every day he woke up with a feeling of dread.
One morning, he realized that this emptiness could not go on anymore.
So he made the necessary preparations, and shortly thereafter, he quit and followed his passion for design.
Today, he runs a thriving design agency, but most importantly, he’s excited about his work and feels fulfilled.
Imagine where you could be if you gave your dreams the same chance.
#8 Use Flattery
Frame your argument by making a genuine compliment first. It can put them at ease and make them more open to your perspective.
The best way to compliment someone is by mentioning a specific strength they take pride in. This way doesn’t feel like flattery but recognition.
For example, “I’ve seen how thoughtful you are with tough decisions, and that’s why I think you’ll see why this choice is so important right now.”
#9 Neutralize their arguments
Consider their objections and address any valid points before they have a chance to raise them.
Some may argue that this solution is costly. And they’re right, it is.
However, what will cost even more is the fact that if we don’t act now, we will lose a significant portion of our market share. It’s clear that the X and Y factors have aligned against us; we must either adapt or accept the loss.
You can reframe their objections as opportunities to reinforce your point.
Yes, this solution does indeed require an upfront investment. That’s why we have structured it in phases. This will enable us to manage costs without sacrificing potential profits.
You can anticipate their emotional concerns:
I know change can be difficult, mainly because of X and Y reasons. But if you follow this approach, you can minimize the discomfort.
You can frame it positively instead of appealing to their fears.
By taking action, we’re not only protecting ourselves but also opening doors to new possibilities and future success.
#10 Leave some information unstated
People will naturally fill the gaps when you present incomplete information.
This approach is efficient when discussing complex issues or sensitive topics.
So use just enough ambiguity to make them think or come to the conclusions you want.
- Let’s just say the results, if we don’t act now, will be… less than ideal.
- There are certain impacts from this decision that, frankly, don’t need to be spelled out here.
- I’d rather not get into the specifics just yet, but the consequences of not acting now could be… challenging, to say the least.
Image from Slam.org
