A common side effect of being intelligent is that you’ll overthink everything. You obsess over what people say about you, and when you have to make a decision, you try to consider many perspectives as if your life depended on this decision.
But you’ve noticed that the more you plan, aka overthink, the worse it gets.
In this video, we’ll discuss how to stop this worthless mental noise and make informed decisions, even under high pressure.
What is Overthinking and Why Do We Do It?
Overthinking is when the mind refuses to let something go. You don’t arrive at a decision or move on, but find yourself circling the same ideas as if you’re stuck on repeat. Psychologists call this rumination. It’s the voice that whispers, “Why did I say that?” or “What if I’d chosen differently?” and then won’t leave you alone.
For some people, overthinking shows up as a racing thoughts and makes it impossible to rest. You lie in bed, but your mind keeps running ahead, imagining every outcome, planning for every possible disaster.
Why do we do this? At the root of overthinking, you’ll often find fear… The fear of failure, the fear of rejection, or the fear of the unknown.
The Hidden Cost of Overthinking
The first cost of overthinking is emotional. When your thoughts circle endlessly, they are rarely about hope or possibility.
They are about anxiety and doubt, stirring up the uneasy feeling that something is wrong or that you’re not good enough.
If left unchecked, this can harden into depression, where every choice feels heavy and every mistake feels like proof of failure.
But overthinking doesn’t just live in the mind. It drains the body as well. Hours slip by in thought spirals, and by the end of the day, you feel exhausted without having done much at all. The constant tension tightens your chest, disrupts your sleep, and robs you of the energy you need to actually live.
The most damaging cost, though, is what happens in daily life. Time that could be spent building relationships or pursuing goals is lost. Attention is scattered, productivity suffers, and the people around you feel the distance. What begins as a private struggle inside your head slowly reshapes the quality of your days. So overthinking doesn’t just steal your peace of mind; it steals pieces of your life.
Acceptance vs. Control
Most of us try to stop overthinking by fighting with our minds. You push away negativity, argue with inner voices, or search for proof they’re not true. But the harder you try to control your thinking, the stronger it becomes.
What you resist tends to persist.
Acceptance offers a different path. You don’t treat every thought as a command or a fact; you begin to see thoughts for what they really are… just some passing events in the mind.
This process is called defusion: You step back and notice a thought without getting entangled in it. A simple shift like saying, “I’m having the thought that I might fail,” creates space between you and the thought itself. It reminds you that a thought is not the same as reality.
This approach doesn’t mean giving up or letting fear win. On the contrary, acceptance frees up the energy that endless mental battles consume. When you stop clinging to control, your attention returns to the present, where action is possible.
In other words, the mind will always create worthless noise, so learn to ignore it. Focus on the present moment, no matter how boring it may feel, and most importantly, don’t give power to those thoughts that “this is too boring”, “I cannot stand it”, “I wish I wasn’t dealing with this”.
Separate What’s Yours From What’s Theirs
One of the most common triggers for overthinking is worrying about others… what they think of you, how they’ll react, whether you’ve disappointed them. It’s easy to spend hours replaying conversations in your head or planning out responses you may never need. The irony is that most of this mental garbage isn’t even about your own choices. It’s about carrying the weight of other people’s expectations.
A helpful strategy is to separate tasks.
If you spend hours worrying about whether your colleague respects you, that isn’t your task; it’s theirs. You can choose to be respectful, honest, and do your best at work, but how they will perceive you is out of your control.
You could be the kindest or most capable person in the room, and there will still be those who dislike you or gossip behind your back. That’s simply how some individuals operate.
Should you waste your time on why they don’t like you?
No.
It’s not your responsibility. It’s not your job to control how they feel about you or anyone else.
When you recognize that another person’s opinion, reaction, or judgment is not your responsibility, you free yourself from the endless cycle of trying to manage the unmanageable.
You also experience less fear because you now realize that not everything needs your immediate attention.
So by discarding other people’s tasks, you reclaim the mental space to focus on your own life.
Reframe Toxic Self-Talk
Even when you manage to separate what belongs to you from what belongs to others, the battle isn’t over. The harshest voice you’ll face is the one inside your own head. Overthinking has a way of turning into a running commentary of negative thoughts: “I always mess things up,” or “If I were smarter, I’d know what to do.”
If you leave it unchallenged, this inner critic will convince you that every fear is a fact.
One of the most effective ways to break this cycle is to reframe the way you talk to yourself.
When a certain thought keeps bothering you, try to pause and question it.
For example, if the mind says, “I’m going to fail this project,” you can respond with, “I’m having the thought that I might fail.” That small shift reminds you it’s just a thought, not reality. From there, you can look for evidence, consider other perspectives, or choose a more balanced statement like, “I’ve handled difficult projects before, and I can take this one step at a time.”
The point isn’t to replace every critical thought with blind positivity. It’s to stop letting toxic self-talk dictate your choices.
By noticing the difference between thoughts and facts, you reclaim the ability to decide which inner voices deserve your attention.
And as the critic grows quieter, your mind has more space for clarity, confidence, and action.
Let Go of the Illusion of Certainty
Overthinking can lead us to consider all the potential scenarios, and we get so caught up in it that we struggle to make a choice.
Even when we finally make a choice, we regret it and do something else.
Now, how can we escape the trap?
Start by understanding that no matter how smart and prepared you are, the world will find a way to surprise you, sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.
So waiting until you feel absolutely certain is another trap that keeps you stuck.
I’m not saying you need to be reckless. But once you have some level of certainty that it’s worth acting, then just do it. Stop waiting for the planets and stars to align.
Trust me, there will never be a perfect time to act. If you’re still not convinced, then read about the chaos theory. It’s the idea that tiny, seemingly insignificant changes can lead to wildly different outcomes.
The faster you abandon the illusion of security, the freer you become to make decisions.
I know it’s not easy, but you must do it.
Use a System to Simplify Decisions
There are many productivity systems, and it will take a while till you find the best one for your needs. But I personally use the Eisenhower Matrix.
I also like it because there are free Notion templates.
Here’s how it works:
First, you have the category where you need to take immediate action.
These are tasks that are both important and urgent. So you need to carve high-quality time out of your day to do them. This means locking yourself in the room or the office with no phones or other distractions.
The second category is to delay work – These are tasks that are not urgent but necessary. They affect your long-term goals, but you don’t need to do them right away. You can schedule them for later.
The third category is to delegate the work to someone else.
You must do these tasks now, but they don’t affect your long-term goals.
Since they’re not difficult, then you can delegate them to someone else.
Finally, we have Discarding.
After going through the tasks, there might still be some work left that is not important or urgent.
Feel free to ignore them.
Now, structuring your day can help you feel less overwhelmed and become more productive.
But as we explained, no matter how much you plan, you’ll encounter unexpected situations that will push you out of your comfort zone. You will feel anxious and stressed, and that will affect your judgment.
Three Options to Handle Stressful Situations
When you feel overwhelmed, you have three options: Avoid, Change, or Accept the situation.
Let’s start with the first option. If it’s possible, you want to avoid the situation. You want to stay away from individuals or environments that spike your stress. For example, if being stuck in traffic fills you with rage, try taking a different route. It will take longer, but at least you’ll feel calmer.
Now, if you cannot avoid the situation, try changing it. If you’re working and people around you keep chatting, tell them politely to go somewhere else.
If there’s nothing you can do to avoid or change the situation, then accept it.
Again, let’s say I’m stuck in traffic. I know it’ll take about 20 minutes to start moving, because that’s what happens every. single. day.
I can get angry that we’re not moving. I can stress out about being late. I can scream at the driver in front of me.
But will that make the traffic move faster?
It won’t.
So I have two options: I can waste my energy being furious, OR I can accept the situation. I accept that I’ll be here for another 20 to 30 minutes. I’ll probably be late for work. And there’s nothing I can do about it.
When you accept the reality that you are in… when you basically stop wanting to be somewhere else… The situation will still suck, but you’ll feel much better than if you were to reject it.
So far, we have talked about how we can handle the situation and not spiral into overthinking.
But what if you’re facing a very challenging situation that you cannot avoid, change, or accept?
Quick Grounding Techniques to Calm Your Mind
First, we have the 5-4-3-2-1 technique.
This is a simple method to help you stay in the present moment.
Here’s how it works:
Start by looking at five things around you. It could be cars, license plates, trees, shops, the sky, the grass, whatever catches your eye. Focus on these ordinary things, like they owe you money.
Next, touch four things near you. Your phone, keys, clothes, glasses, your pet, desk… anything within reach.
Now listen for three sounds. Tune in to your breath, the hum of an air conditioner, people talking nearby, or a street vendor shouting outside.
Then, try to detect two smells. Maybe your clothes, your coffee, or a nearby restaurant.
Finally, focus on one thing you can taste. This can simply be the lingering flavor in your mouth.
The second technique is the 10-second breathing. It’s very simple. You breathe in slowly through your nose while counting to ten. Then you exhale slowly. You repeat this process for as long as you need.
I know that these techniques seem basic, but they’re designed to help people manage anxiety and even stop a panic attack before it starts.
So yes, they’re simple. But they’re effective in calming you down quickly.
In addition, I’d recommend that you practice these two techniques every day, even when you’re feeling calm. Because it will help you master them.
This way, when you get stuck in the loop of overthinking and you’re feeling stressed or anxious, then you’ll be able to quickly apply them, and that way you’ll calm yourself down.
Q&A About Overthinking
Does overthinking ever help?
It’s true that reflection has its place… You need to weigh options, consider risks, and learn from mistakes. But overthinking doesn’t move you closer to action, it traps you in endless “what if” scenarios.
The rule of thumb is this: if your thinking leads to a clear next step, it’s useful. If it just stirs up more feelings of doubt or fear, it’s rumination, not problem-solving.
What strategies actually work to stop overthinking in the moment?
You don’t need a complicated course or years of training. Simple tools like writing thoughts down on paper, setting a time limit for worry, or practicing a brief grounding exercise can interrupt the cycle. The key is not to get rid of thoughts but to redirect your attention back to action.
Why do I keep falling back into the same patterns?
Because overthinking isn’t just a bad habit, it’s how your mind tries to create safety. Each time you feel uncertain, your brain tells you that “thinking more” will eventually bring control. The problem is that life doesn’t work in those terms. Progress comes when you act with the clarity you have now, not when you wait for every doubt to disappear.
What books can help me with overthinking?
Unf*ck Your Brain (Workbook) by Faith Harper – A down-to-earth workbook with exercises for reframing negative thoughts, managing anxiety, and regaining control over your mental energy. Perfect if you want actionable strategies.
ACT Made Simple by Russ Harris – A practical guide to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Helps you notice unhelpful mental loops, defuse from racing thoughts, and take committed action instead of waiting for certainty.
Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach – Explores how self-judgment and feelings of inadequacy keep you stuck in overthinking. Offers mindfulness and compassion practices to break the cycle and return to the present moment.
The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga – Based on Adlerian psychology, this book teaches how to separate your own tasks from the expectations of others—freeing you from the endless rumination about what people think.
Image Source: “The Thinker in The Gates of Hell at the Musée Rodin” by Jean-Pierre Dalbéra, licensed under CC BY 2.0.
