You share your goals and dreams, expecting people to support you, but often they will tell you to keep your options open or remind you of the incredibly low odds of succeeding in that field.
That can be very discouraging, but it can also mean that you’re trying to achieve something worthwhile.
Think about it…
If people are not doubting you, if they’re not pushing back, or in some cases, if they’re not trying to sabotage you, then your goal is not big enough.
And yes, the odds are not in your favor. However, it’s still possible because a small group already made it.
So the real question is this…
What’s the real difference between them and you?
From the outside, they look delusional. They commit to success long before there’s enough evidence to justify that commitment.
Now we’re not talking about simply believing in yourself. Almost everyone believes they’re going to make it.
But very few are willing to structure their life as if that belief were true.
Because here’s what usually happens…
Some days you get inspired, you are very creative, you feel like Eddie Morra from the movie Limitless.
But then you give yourself a 20-minute break, which for whatever reason turns into a 2-hour break. And once you come back, you cannot re-ignite the spark again.
The next day, you drag yourself to do those boring tasks. You try to motivate yourself by thinking about how achieving this goal will change your life and how you’ll make all those naysayers eat their words.
Then you get tired, and on top of that, you have some other problem you cannot get out of your mind… You also didn’t sleep well, which is affecting your ability to concentrate, and next thing you know, you are back to the 2-hour break.
Every day you say this time is going to be different, and every day you do essentially the same things.
What’s funny is that we have the nerve to be surprised. We’re like, “I’m doing the work, but it’s just not working.”
Now, the minority of people who succeed do not deal with all of this bullshit. And it’s not because they are more talented or have more willpower than you.
They don’t.
What they have is something else entirely.
They stop negotiating with reality.
They operate under what I like to call an…
Internal Dictatorship
These people are fully aware of how much effort is required and that the odds are not in their favor. But at some point, they decided they were willing to do whatever it takes and pay whatever price was required to achieve their goals.
When their brain throws out excuses and complaints, they’re like: “I’m sorry, do you think this is a democracy that you’re entitled to have an opinion or view, just shut up and do what you have to do.
Now, internal dictatorship is not the end goal. It’s simply a temporary structure. Meaning, we will do what’s necessary, despite all the doubts and excuses.
At the beginning of the day, we are like, “I’ll do these 5 tasks. It’s non-negotiable. I’ll not go to sleep unless I do them. Meanwhile, for the rest of the time, I’ll be more flexible.
Every day you do those non-negotiable tasks, you gradually face less and less resistance from the brain. Because what’s the point… Since you’re so hell-bent on doing those things, the brain will adapt.
In other words, you’re behaving in a coherent way, and the brain, which is always looking for coherence, will conclude that “This must be who I am.”
That’s when discipline becomes not something to fear, not something annoying; it simply feels like self-respect.
And this leads us to…
The Forging of Identity
Often, high achievers do not start with a clear, grand vision of who they’re meant to be. They all start by crashing through life like everyone else.
Gordon Ramsay, for example, didn’t grow up dreaming of becoming a Michelin star chef. He wanted to be a football player. But an injury ended that path, so he ended up working in a kitchen.
He had the chance to work for some of the best chefs in Britain.
Now these people are tyrannical in the kitchen, which is understandable, right? They have to maintain an elite standard.
If you’re a cook and you make a mistake, then they’ll shout at you, belittle you, and you’ll constantly think about quitting, and most people do, but not Gordon.
Despite all the bullying, the pressure, and the low pay, he discovered that the work still mattered to him. He cared about getting better. He cared about standards. In other words, he loved cooking.
So you don’t build an identity with affirmations or visualizations, but by fighting for something even when quitting is available, even when no one will blame you if you quit.
Now, once you have a clear idea of who you are and what you want to accomplish, you Approach failure differently.
A common misconception is that they whip themselves every time they make mistakes, but they actually have a very healthy relationship with failure.
They can get fired, rejected, or lose a competition, and of course, it sucks; it hurts like hell.
But their sense of identity is not affected.
As long as they don’t betray those principles, the show must go on.
When I say principles, I don’t mean abstract values or things you tell yourself to feel better.
I’m talking about rules you’ve built under pressure.
Let me give you some examples:
Ronaldo was clearly very talented, but he realized early that talent alone is not enough to play at an elite level, so he constantly pushed himself to the limit. Btw, there’s an interesting documentary titled “Tested to the limit” that shows his dedication.
His principle was that talent must be enforced with relentless work, or it decays.
Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger learned that you could have a prestigious diploma and a high IQ level, but if you ignore the fundamentals, you’ll get smacked in the face by reality.
So their principle was to never violate the basics, no matter how clever you feel.
Ray Dalio, another investor, learned that people will lie so they don’t get in trouble. Over time, all those little lies will dramatically affect the decision-making of the company, so he decided to have a policy where people can be radically honest.
David Goggins doesn’t think he’s invincible; he’s still a human after all (I guess), but quitting is not an option, regardless of the pain.
All of these principles were a result of experience… of crashing through life and work like a ship in the sea.
And as we mentioned, principles create a buffer between failure and identity.
When something goes wrong — as it always does — it doesn’t mean something is wrong with them.
But most people don’t have that buffer. When they fail in a visible way, they’re like: See? I knew it. I’m not built for this. Everyone was right.
That pushes them to avoid difficult situations as much as possible.
As a result, they don’t fail often…. but when they do, it’s devastating, because everything was riding on that one attempt.
The person who doesn’t quit has the same doubts, but they don’t give much importance to them.
When they fail, they don’t ask, What does this say about me?
They ask, What did I miss? What worked? What didn’t?
Then they make the necessary improvements.
That’s what people mean when they talk about “fail small, fail often.”
Each failure will cost you something, but it also teaches you what works and what doesn’t.
Do that enough times, and those lessons stack up. And that’s how people end up at the top.
In boxing, you can lose rounds and still win the fight.
Life works the same way.
You’re not trying to feel confident all the time. You’re not even trying to “win” every day. You’re just trying to stay in the fight.
Because if you don’t quit, if you don’t betray your principles, the score will eventually tilt in your favor.
From the outside, that looks delusional.
But that’s the superpower.
