Have you ever wondered why some people always get what they want?
Why some people close more business deals than others?
Why some men can charm beautiful women while some couldn’t get
I know I have.
For me, the ability to influence people was just… strange.
I had no clue how to do it. Until I read some awesome psychology books.
In this article, I will show you 9 effective manipulation techniques.
#1 I don’t need you. You need me
This is the essence of manipulation.
You should subtly convey that “I don’t need you; you need me.”
Someone that has the upper hand can afford to walk away from a deal.
For example, you can see this in negotiations.
When someone doesn’t agree with the terms says,” It seems we don’t have a deal, so we’ll leave”. Then the other part will feel pressured and ultimately agree with whatever they want.
What’s the psychology behind this technique?
We act stubborn when we realize someone needs something from us.
But, if you can make him believe you don’t need the deal as badly as he wants, you have a clear advantage over him.
Show him that what he decides makes little difference for your current situation.
In addition, never give the slightest sign of desperation. You need to be very confident to apply this technique.
#2 The smartest men are those who know when to play dumb
The smartest people you’ll ever meet are the ones who act like they don’t know much.
Pay attention to people who built their fortune from scratch. They always report that are still learning. And never claim they‘re perfect.
At the same time, there are arrogant people who think they know everything.
Just think for a moment, what will happen if you led people to think you know a lot?
It makes people suspect you’re smart enough to use them. But your manipulation depends on people not knowing you’re trying to manipulate them.
Often, ‘playing dumb’ can be a great advantage.
The reason is that people like a person who seems to know less than they do.
As a result, they’ll help you succeed.
#3 “You’re probably right…”
Conflict is costly.
Not getting along well with your partner, coworker or even a boss will make your life miserable.
And during a critical time, you won’t get any assistance because your enemy is waiting for the right moment to get his revenge.
Do you think I’m exaggerating?
Just look at how many people divorce because one partner doesn’t know how to communicate and treat the other partner well.
Think about how many people are without a job because they didn’t get along well with a coworker or a boss.
A way to deal with conflict is by just using this simple phrase, “You’re probably right…”
“You are probably right honey, in the last weeks I haven’t spent enough time with family. I have spent so many hours working on this project. But, from now on, I’ll dedicate all my weekends to you”.
“You’re probably right, Mark. I have been acting like a jerk lately. Thank you for being honest with me. And I’m sorry. I have been going through a very stressful situation. Of course, that’s not an excuse for my behavior but I’m just trying to say it won’t happen again”.
Now it’s crucial to have a sincere tone when using this technique. We don’t want the other person to think we’re being sarcastic.
When you use this tactic, you defuse the anger and open the door for a more good & sincere relationship.
This is the most important thing to know when trying to manipulate someone.
We can only be persuaded by someone we like and respect.
Just look at the ads when celebrities are telling you it’s a great product.
It’s all on who says it.
Make sure somebody likes you before manipulating him/her.
Sell yourself before selling your ideas.
In this way, you’ll save energy and time trying to persuade someone who won’t even listen to you.
If you’re interested in becoming extremely likable, you can check out my definitive guides. (Charisma articles)
#5 How to win most of your arguments
Often we might debate with someone about different matters.
I have an opinion and I’m trying to convince him I’m right. He’s also doing the same thing.
It’s just a matter of time before we begin a hot debate trying to prove our point.
Which one of us will win the argument? No one.
The reason is that trying to convince someone he’s wrong almost never works.
It’s a characteristic of human beings. We don’t like to accept we’re wrong.
The rule is: If you disagree on a subject that doesn’t affect your mental, physical, or financial well-being, just don’t debate.
What I’m telling you is that avoiding arguments on unimportant subjects (politics), your opponent can’t make you stressed.
And that’s a victory for you.
You should carefully choose your battles. If you agree with them and make them like you, it’ll be easier for you to manipulate them.
Believe me, you’ll realize how much mental anguish you can side-step by choosing your disagreements. You can conserve your emotional strength for the battles that really matter.
#6 Quick tips to manipulate anyone
1. Try to become friends with that person
Try to talk about things you both agree on. Is he a self-made millionaire? tell him how you had to work your way through college at odd jobs.
If during the conversation you see areas on which you might find conflict, pass over them lightly.
Stick to subjects you agree with.
2. Listen to his objection to your ideas
Many manipulators make the mistake of doing too much talking.
They want to take control of the situation by giving a convincing response before knowing the real objection.
Often they miss the entire point of objection and wind up arguing over some nonexistent point of disagreement.
But, by listening carefully you have a strategic advantage.
You let him know you’re not ignoring his feelings. He feels that you care about what he thinks. In addition, you’ll better understand him.
3. Agree with his feelings and massage his ego
Your manipulate has just cut and slashed at your ideas of doing things your way. And you’ve listened through it all without talking back.
Now it’s your time to speak.
You should realize that he is challenging you. Before using logic you should deal with his feelings. Consequently, he’ll let his guard down and suddenly be more vulnerable to your reasoning.
Don’t make the mistake of starting with “Yes, but…”
The reason is that it can trigger resentment.
Instead say, “I don’t blame you for feeling this way. I’ve felt that myself.”
But don’t stop there…
Explain an experience that made you feel that way. By the time you get through, the other person will feel close enough to you and be more receptive to your ideas.
4. Point out the areas of agreement
You set up a pattern of agreement in step 3, so keep going. No matter how much you disagree with him, I’m sure you agree on several points. So stress them.
#7 Putt a little pressure
Sometimes the target can be in a state where he can’t make up his mind.
So, it’s time to put a little pressure and take control of the situation.
You need to realize that too much pressure might make people mad. And a mad person is hard to control.
1. As you talk to him, you feel he is not disagreeing with you as much as when you started.
2. He can’t seem to decide.
Now, how to apply this technique?
Look at him straight in the eyes and don’t look away.
In a confident voice, give one or two strong points. Look at him in the face and tell firmly, “That’s it. You’re at a good price and it’s what you want. You know you can’t get it for less anywhere else. Now let’s do business.”
Then shut up. The one who speaks first loses. The silence will pressure him even more.
If you want a raise, say “I’m a good employee. I make lots of money for the company. So you okay to give me a raise?” Then shut up till he/she replays.
During a bargaining situation, if he is indecisive, or if silence has gone for a while, assume a “yes” response.
You can do this by handling the pen to sign the contract or by asking the secretary to type the contract according to the terms you proposed.
Then talk about something other than the deal while you wait.
#8 Intermittent reinforcement
First, if you skipped all the tricks and went straight for the 8th one, please go back and read the others because they also are effective.
Second, this trick had a big impact on my life and here’s why.
I was in the second year of high school and I was struggling to connect with people, especially girls.
I had one friend who always had many friends, and he always had a beautiful girlfriend/s.
It always surprised me on how he could do that. He wasn’t rich. He wasn’t a “Zac Efron” looking guy. Yet, girls would go crazy around him.
So, I asked him, “can you give me one tip on how to be successful with girls?”
He told me, “You have to be confident”. Yeah, easier said than done, I said.
And the most important of all, don’t try too hard to please a woman. You know, there are guys who put a beautiful girl on a pedestal and do everything for her. But, that’s a mistake. If you think a girl is feeling it has you under control, become a little cold. Spend less time with her. Until she makes another move.”
I have used this trick many times and has worked.
But I didn’t understand the psychology behind this trick until I read “The Art of Manipulation” by R.B. Sparkman.
The most important pigeon story you’ll ever read.
Imagine a pigeon on the cage, with a bar it can peck on to get a pellet of food it likes very much.
This food is a reward for its pecking.
You might assume that the more often the pigeon received the food, the more often it would peck the bar.
But the results were different:
1. When the pigeon never got food as a reinforcement, it stopped pecking the bar altogether.
2. When the pigeon got the food every time it pecked the bar, it only pecked the bar a moderate number of times.
3. The pigeon got the food intermittently. It means that sometimes it got the food for pecking the bar and sometimes it got no reward for pecking. Here, the pigeon would peck the bar like crazy.
Our human nature is very similar to pigeons.
When we get reinforcement every time we see a person (when they treat us good), we begin to take that person for granted a little. Just as the pigeon only pecked on the bar moderately when given constant reinforcement.
This shows that p
In the third case, the pigeon got only sporadic reinforcement for pecking the bar, the pigeon never knew whether it could have the pellets of food or not.
And this reveals a shocking fact about human behavior:
People want what they feel they could not have.
This desire is the cause of the many shortcomings people have.
This desire causes people to want products they can’t afford. And it leads people pursuing out a woman/man they can’t have.
Using intermittent reinforcement is the best tool for exploiting this desire.
It’s a two-step trick. First, give that person what he/she wants (attention, love, money). Second, withdraw and become colder and watch the person struggling to get your attention.
This technique sounds simple and easy to understand. But it’s difficult to make it work because you have to provide something he/she wants.
You give this reinforcement by charming that person, paying him money, or furnishing him something else he wants badly.
Try to put yourself in his place, and ask yourself what would boost his ego, what does he really like? Then the moment you feel that person is taking you for granted, withdraw his reinforcement on the spot.
Application in the love life
Let’s assume that you’ve been trying to charm a woman and acting as friendly as you can. Also, she seems to respond well.
But sometimes you feel she pays less than rapt attention to what you say.
Now it’s time for you to be a little cool and uninterested. Ignore her for a while. But don’t act like a hurt child.
Instead, show through your behavior you can take her or leave her. If possible, subtly make her jealous by talking to other women in front of her.
She will doubt that she can have you. Your independence and confidence are attractive. You’re transmitting the message, “I want you, but I can always have other women if you aren’t interested, take it or leave it.”
After you withdraw the reinforcement, wait for her to make the first move.
#9 When everything fails, use the “dirty” way
If you can’t manipulate a person, try to influence his/her friends.
For example, you want to make a girl yours but she isn’t responding well. So you can charm her friends.
After she realizes that her friends like you, she might decide that her first impression was wrong.
If you’re a woman, know that men are just as vulnerable to this indirect manipulation.
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