Charm is the ability to create an extraordinary rapport that makes others feel special.
Charm is not something you are born with. It results from using specific skills that anyone can learn.
They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.-Lou Holtz
Human beings are very emotional. They decide based on emotions and then justify them logically.
People are strongly affected by their emotional environment, especially from the behavior of other people toward them.
Humans have a deep craving and desire to feel valued and valuable. We all have an emotional hunger, we all want to feel important. It is an intense desire that everyone craves to feel.
The secret of the charm is simple- Make others feel important.
Rapt attention is the highest form of flattery– Dale Carnegie
Your ability to listen will help you as much as any other skill you develop.
Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence” concluded that our ability to connect with people, your EQ, is as vital to your success as your IQ.
An essential quality of EQ is Empathy- The ability to be aware of and sensitive to what people say and what they mean.
Listening skills are fundamental, if you can master them, your charm will increase immediately.
Women are excellent listeners. MRI scans show that when a woman communicates seven centers of the brain involve. In men, it is only two.
Men can only process one sensory input at a time. For example, men cannot watch television and listen to someone else speaking.
If you want to become a charming person, you must learn to master the techniques of listening- especially if you are a man.
It will take discipline and determination at first, but it will become natural and automatic.
2. Make eye contact
How do you know when someone is listening to you? It is simple, eye contact. If someone is not looking at you, it is not listening.
Do you know how irritating is when people don’t look at you when you are talking to them?
The primary way for people to know if you are listening is when you make direct eye contact. The more eye contact you give, the more involved you seem.
When you are listening, make eye contact most of the time. If you look away too often or for too long, you will trigger adverse reactions.
The other person will think, ” I’m boring, he doesn’t like me,” or ” she is not interested in what I have to say.”
3. Tilt your head
The motions you make with the body and head have an enormous influence on other people. Titling your head on one side will give you a more intense and inquiring look.
When she is talking about something important, you will look more attentive and involved. She will find this title gesture very charming.
Practice titling in front of the mirror before you try it to a person, just to see how it looks.
Remember to tilt your head to listen and straighten up to speak.
4. Head nodding
It is a potent technique in hearing and appearing charming to others. Some people not instinctively while some people don’t nod at all.
Head nods are strong indicators of what you are thinking and feeling. There are three different head nods-The slow, the faster, and the very fast.
First, it is a very slow nod, which means, ” I’m following you.” But, it doesn’t necessarily mean you agree.
Second, is a slightly faster nod, which says, ” You are right, I agree.”
Third, The much faster nod, which says, ” I agree, and I am excited by what I’m hearing.”
Nodding signals to other people you are warm, friendly and you are paying attention. Develop the habit of nodding and understanding people when they are speaking.
When you lean toward someone, it is like you are saying, ” I find you interesting.” Leaning away may suggest, “I am bored, I think 100 things I would do rather than talking to you,”.
Try to keep your whole body turned toward the person. Make sure that your arms unfolded and used your hands to emphasize when you speak. By doing this, you create a picture of honesty, sincerity, and genuine interest.
Monitor the personal space. You can do this by checking your reactions when people come too close or far from you.
If a person comes an inch closer to you, then you were too far away. If the person eases away, then you are too close to their personal space.
6. Body language to avoid
A positive body language will increase your charm. But certain body positions negatively affect people.
Many people have their body pointed away from the speaker. It gives the impression you don’t care about what he is saying. But, you pretend you do.
Another negative message is when you slump in the chair as if you want to ooze through the back and get away from the speaker.
The best way is to sit up straight and not allow your back to touch the back of the chair.
Often people fold their arms when they are listening.The speaker may think he is blocking what she got to say.
7. Be quick to praise
We all enjoy praising, mainly if we have accomplished something we feel is essential.
Be ready to appreciate and admire their wisdom, generosity, cleverness, or anything that is appropriate. Appreciation and praise are significant, and it is like the fuel for our motivation.
Research has shown that many employees respond more positively to praise than to a raise.
Always try to find something to praise that is not too obvious.
Praise, like gold and diamonds
owes its value only to its scarcity
Practice these steps regularly. You must be willing to feel a bit awkward at first if you want to master the art of the charm.
The rule is that anything worth doing well is worth doing poorly at first.
We recommend reading:
- How to develop charisma and influence people
- 7 ways to make people like you
- 4 Simple steps to be more charismatic